Space Force

“Nobody Knows Space Better Than Me” — The Trump Artemis II Masterclass

Let me tell you something, folks, because nobody, nobody knows space better than me. I was talking to Stephen Hawking before he passed, great guy, very smart, wheelchair, the whole thing, and even he said, “Sir, how do you know so much about space?” Couldn’t believe it. He said it. People don’t talk about that, but they should. Tremendous conversation. I said, “Stephen, it’s natural. Some people have it. I have it.” And that’s why, when they started putting together Artemis II, big mission, huge mission, first time in over fifty years going around the Moon, they came to me. Not to the so-called experts. Not to the fake scientists. They came to me. Tears in their eyes. “Sir, we need you. We want you on the rocket. Leading. In charge.”

And I said, “Wow.” Because I’m humble. Very humble. But they know. They know who understands space. I trained the crew, by the way. Incredible astronauts, very nice people, but I showed them things, oxygen, angles, space angles, very complicated. I said, “When you go up, you’ve got to think big. You’ve got to think like me.” They said, “Sir, we’ve never heard it explained like that.” Of course not. Nobody explains it like I do.

Now I was going to go. I was ready. Suit looked fantastic. The best suit they’ve ever seen. Fit me perfectly. I get into the capsule, the Orion spacecraft, beautiful capsule, by the way, and suddenly my advisors come running in. “Sir, you can’t go. You’re too important. The country needs you. The world needs you. Frankly, the planet needs you.” Strong people, crying. Very emotional. And they had to pull me out. Literally had to pry me out of the spacecraft before liftoff. I didn’t want to leave. I was ready to go to the Moon. Would’ve done an incredible job. The best job.

So I made a very smart decision. A very strong decision. I said, “I’ll stay. I’ll run things from here.” Which, by the way, is harder. Much harder. People don’t realize. And I said, “We’re renaming it.” Because names matter. Branding matters. I said, “We’re calling it Trump Artemis.” Beautiful name. Strong name. People are saying it’s the best rocket name ever. And frankly, it fits.

And then, this is incredible, the crew comes back to me, tremendous respect, and they say, “Sir, we want to do something special for you.” I said, “I like that.” They said they’re bringing me back a medal. Not just any medal, a medal handcrafted out of moon rock. Real moon rock. Very rare. Very beautiful. “Because nobody knows space like you.” I said, “That’s true. That’s very true.”

So they go up. Ten-day mission. Way out, forty-six thousand miles beyond Earth. Very far. I told them exactly what to do. “Go out, come back. Don’t mess it up.” They said, “Yes, sir.” They had a little glitch, not a big deal, happens, but I guided them. I said, “Stay calm. Think like me.” They fixed it immediately. That’s what happens when you have the best leadership.

And the reentry, nobody talks about this, the descent. The re-entry, Very dangerous. Tremendous heat. Plasma, they call it. I understand plasma better than anybody. I told them, “Angle it perfectly. Not too steep, not too shallow. You’ve got to ride it. Like a great drummer rides a groove. You feel it.” They said, “Sir, incredible advice.” Perfect landing. People are saying they’ve never seen anything like it.

And then you’ve got Neil deGrasse Tyson, good guy, a little strange, talks a lot, but very smart, and he comes up to me, very respectfully, and he says, “Sir… how is it that you know so much about astrophysics when you’ve been so busy leading the country, making America great again?”

And I said, “Neil, it’s a gift. It’s just something I have.” Because you look at these people, they study for years, decades, books, chalkboards, lots of math, and then they meet me, and I explain it in about two minutes. Maybe less. And they say, “Wow.” They always say “wow.”

I told him, “Neil, space is about instincts. It’s about feel. You can have all the numbers in the world, but if you don’t feel space, you don’t understand it.” He looked stunned. He said, “Sir, that’s incredible.” Couldn’t believe it.

We talked about black holes, I know black holes better than anybody. Nobody understands them like I do. I said, “Very powerful, very strong, but you’ve got to respect them.” He said, “That’s exactly right.” Of course it’s right, I said it.

Then galaxies, expansion of the universe, very big topics, and I broke it down. I said, “It’s all about winning, Neil. The universe is expanding because it wants to win.” He said he’s never heard it explained that way. Never. And that’s when he said it. He said, “Sir, you may be the only president in history who truly understands astrophysics at this level.” His words. Not mine. Although I agree.

So when people talk about Artemis II, NASA, all of it, they don’t realize, they’re using my ideas. Quietly. The scientists know. Neil knows.

Because at the end of the day, whether it’s running a country, negotiating deals, or understanding the entire universe… it’s the same thing. It’s about winning. And we win. Everywhere.

And let me just say this, very important, congratulations to the crew. Fantastic job. Really tremendous. Happy you got home safely, very safe landing, just like I said it would be. And I’m looking forward, very much looking forward, to all of you thanking me in person for the remarkable guidance I provided. But I’m really looking forward to my medal made of Moonrock. They know. They all know.

—Michael Jochum, Not Just a Drummer: Reflections on Art, Politics, Dogs, and the Human Condition